If you are currently questioning keeping a toxic or unhealthy person in your life or not, I’ve got some tips.
Tip 1: Communication is key! A lot of those conversations have probably already happen ( arguments about ditching of plans constantly one sided, or arguments where you have tried to explain how you feel and it just doesn’t go anywhere).
Being blunt isn’t the worst idea. You can still be blunt and nice at the same time.
If you are dealing with someone who isn’t acknowledging their problem or isn’t willing to do anything to fix their problem, it is quite acceptable to cut ties. Yes even with a family member. You see, you can’t fix people. They need to have the motivation to change. You can’t give them that.
No matter what you do or say or try, if this person doesn’t want to change, THEY WONT! Don’t try to change this person. Don’t think ” If I behave or go the extra mile for this person, that’ll work, they’ll change. But then a few years or however long after it’s back to the same unhealthy, toxic loop.
Tip 2: I’m all for helping other people out, but don’t let this person or this persons life engulf you. You shouldn’t be spending all of your time thinking about this other person (“What will they do if I say/do this?”)
Tip 3: Listen, this isn’t going to be easy. Yes, it’s going to hurt, and totally suck. They may totally hate you and spread hateful shit about you to your friends and family. But you know what? You are the bigger person. You took the high road and made the mature decision to end a relationship that wasn’t ok with you. I also hope on that high road, you stay far away from social media when you are emotional.
Tip 4: Don’t stoop down to their level. Those stupid statuses on Facebook they write, bitching about how horrible you are?….. Just Block. I always found that after I blocked someone on Facebook, I tend to forget about them. I also try to think that blocking them is a permanent option. That way, at first glance, there isn’t any other option than to leave them currently blocked.
Tip 5: If you are going to trash talk, keep it offline and to only a select few. First of all, no one on Facebook needs to know about these dirty details. Second of all, the other person if they are petty will already be spreading their own shit. The people who know you well enough will know the truth. It’s perfectly ok to rant and rave about this person, but don’t let that be the constant reaction.
Tip 6: You may lose other people in the process. Sometimes, people who aren’t involved in the immediate situation will pick sides. Some people will put their “shields” up and deny any mature decision you make, likely because they are afraid of what could happen from you making that decision solo. You will find out who is meant to be in your life and people who you are better off without.
Tip 7: Even though you broke off the relationship, it is still perfectly ok to grieve the loss of it. There was some part of you invest in that relationship, some more than others. That part needs to heal and deal with the loss.
Tip 8:Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Don’t let anyone tell you, you should be over it by now, or it shouldn’t have been a big deal. If you feel the only way you can talk to this other person about these feelings is through the internet, you go ahead. Don’t be ashamed to take the faceless route. These things can be hard.
Tip 9: After all of this, what matters is how you deal with it. You can dwell on it, and let it consume your life or you can grieve the loss and move on.
I hope this helps! If you have any questions email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, I’m willing to try to help in any way. 🙂