We are coming to the end of this hellish year and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for next year.
There is a whole new side of me coming out and I’m looking forward to seeing what life is like now.
I’ve had to learn how to live without blood family. I’ve learned that’s it’s not me, it’s them. You can’t help people if they don’t even acknowledge the problems.
I’ve also learned that even if you are blood family, if you are not “present” in my little family’s life here, you are not welcome. No phone calls, no cards in the mail, nothing.
Why waste everyone’s time? Just to be petty? My family and I are 100% fine without you. And yes those people I’m talking about are my parents.
2018 is a new year and I’m finished with all of the toxicity that is my dysfunctional family.
2017 will be the last year I have ANY contact with my parents and brother. I don’t care for how long, all I know is that I’m going to be the first person in my family to be mentally healthy.
I’m standing up for myself and making standards and boundaries that neither one of my parents helped me make when I was younger.
I’m no longer going to be a doormat for people to walk all over and treat however they want in that moment.
I’m no longer going to allow people to give me shit for no reason. I’m standing up for everything I believe in and feel.
People don’t respect me and that’s mostly because I’ve never been able to stand up to people. And that’s going to change. I will no longer suffer because of other people.
This weekend is Thanksgiving, which means family get togethers, food, and conversation.
Now since it’s thanksgiving, I’d like to write a post about the one thing that I am extremely thankful for.
What constitutes as family you might ask? Well I can tell you one thing, blood isn’t the only way one can become family.
Family to me means people who will support you when you need it the most. People who will be that shoulder to lean on when you need one. It’s the people you can call or text when you just don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve lost both relationships with my parents because as I grow and learn about self acceptance, they won’t. They won’t learn, or grow, hell they’d have to acknowledge the problems first. And they won’t.
The people who are in my life now are the people who accept me for whatever or whoever I choose to be. All they want to see is me happy.
And that I’m super thankful for. For having family that aren’t blood making up for what is lacking in my blood family. Without you guys, I don’t think I could have made it this far. I’ve had some rough times in my life, more recently and more serious than before. And what matters to me are the people who are currently around me and my life because they care and love me.
And that’s what family means to me.
A story came out of the States recently, and I’d like to take a few moments and talk about it.
First of all, Rest in Peace Jamel Dunn.
Second of all, if you have not heard, there were 5 teenagers who were hanging out by a pond, when they saw 31 year old Jamel Dunn walking up to the fenced off pond. They watched as this 31 year old disabled man, walk right into the pond. And then they decided to start videotaping. They were seen mocking and laughing at Jamel as he was seen drowning. Then, they heard a scream from the background, laugh and say “he just died”
Jamel was pleading for help, all the while these guys were laughing and having a great ole time.
I can’t even begin with this. I read an article today about how the teenagers didn’t have a “legal duty” to help this man. And what is astounding to me is that, that is even a point of contention. If they had no intention on helping the man, they should have just left. How heartless do you have to be to watch someone die and laugh and joke about it at the same time? I hope the Judge presiding over the case makes an example out of these teenagers. They chose to act like adults and should be send to adult jail. Where in my opinion, they should just stay.
So we currently have a shared yard. I’m not a huge fan but we got what we got.
So one of my neighbours has decided that our yard is a perfect yard for their dog to be tied up in.
And I’m not ok with that. They don’t even watch the dog, so it goes to the bathroom where ever it wants to. And because they don’t pay attention the dog craps, where my daughter plays.
How are people so inconsiderate. It’s a shared yard!! Where kids play!?!?
I wish people thought about these things.
For years, I have had people in my life who either made fun of my problems, joked about them, minimized them, showed no effort to lend a helping hand, called them “ridiculous”, or blame them on my pms, or was told I was being brainwashed.
It’s really no wonder why I have issues expressing and even believing my own feelings.
After all of these years, and after all of the people who couldn’t get passed their own feelings to see mine, I’ve been managing on my own.
Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes, I struggle so bad internally that I’m exhausted at the end of the day. Because sometimes there are issues that you can only share with a select few, but even then. Sometimes I regret saying anything at all. Sometimes it’s easier for me to pretend that I’m fine.
Whatever you are feeling know it’s okay to feel that way.
No matter what people say, your feelings are your own. Nobody can feel them quite like you do.
Sometimes people don’t understand these feelings. But, what matters is that we understand these feelings and learn how to deal with them.
Even though school is out, I still need to keep up my regular routine.
Sundays end up being house cleaning day mainly because garbage/recycling are due out tomorrow morning.
It’s also nicer to wake up to, nice clean house. We spend a lot of time here, I don’t see why it can’t be clean too.
How did everyone else spend their Sundays?